A Year Ago Tomorrow

The end of July is a hard time for me. Two years ago at the end of July we found out about and lost our first baby. Tomorrow on the 28th will have been one year since we found out I was pregnant with Noah. I've contemplated whether I wanted to share this, but this is one of our happy memories of our time with Noah and I want to share. The happy moments were few and every one of them precious. So here is something I wrote to Noah while pregnant with him. I wrote it after we had found out his condition and wanted to make sure I could look back on our memories. I know I would appreciate extra prayers to make it through tomorrow. Thank you to every one who continues to keep us in your prayers.

Noah,

You came into our lives on Wednesday, July 28, 2010. You were here before then but that was the day I learned I had you. Your daddy and I had been waiting for you for so long. After two miscarriages and then months with no luck we were beginning to think you would never come. And then there you were.

I got home from church that night before your daddy so I went ahead and took the test to find out if you were here.  Those were the best positive pink lines I had ever seen. I sat there looking at that test and just started crying and praying; praying that you would stick around, that the test wouldn’t turn negative if I took it again.

After the shock wore off, I began to scheme about how to tell your daddy about you. I had been watching an old TV show for a while, The Dick Van Dyke Show, and I remembered an episode where Laura tells Rob that she’s pregnant. Among the funny lines, she breaks it to him by saying “Well, the rabbit died.” At first I didn’t understand what she meant but I looked up that phrase and it was used a long time ago as a way of saying someone was pregnant. I remembered that I had told your daddy about that episode, so I decided to use that line to see if he remembered what it meant. When your daddy walked through the front door, I was sitting on the couch. I told him that I had had an interesting evening when I got home. He asked me, “What happened?” I said my line, “The rabbit died.” Did he remember what that line meant? No he didn’t. He looked at me with a confused look and said, “What?” I laughed and said again, “The rabbit died,” and held up that positive test. Your daddy got one of the biggest grins on his face I had ever seen. He looked at me and said, “When you said that, I thought Kletus (our dog) had caught a rabbit and killed it!” We both laughed and just sat there with each other, excited that you were here, and scared about losing you like we had lost your other siblings. That was such a wonderful night Noah. That night I was blessed with you and you are one of the best blessings I have ever known.

Love,

Your Momma