Thursday, March 24, 2011

When Words Fail

First of all I apologize if you are expecting to hear from E tonight. She is currently in the hospital bed recovering from her c-section. So, you guessed it this is her husband A. With that out of the way we will continue to what is important, Noah. As a father, there are really no words that can possibly describe the feeling you have when you see your child for the first time. As I saw Dr. S pull Noah into this world I could do nothing but shed a tear. Knowing and seeing how precious he is alleviates many worries. Unfortunately not long after he was brought into this world he had to be placed on a respirator. At first his body was not absorbing oxygen, that problem later went away. At first his heart beat was about half of what it should be, that problem went away later. The one problem he has that still remains, he lacks the volume in his chest cavity to take a deep enough breath to sustain his own life. Thus he remains on the respirator. As a few hours past today our neonatologist met us in our room. He spoke words that as a father you never want to hear "Your son's condition is not compatible with life." I would try to describe to you this feeling, but words fail. So I am sitting in E's room tonight knowing that Noah's life is 100% dependent on a machine breathing for him. The neonatologist took x-rays of Noah and confirmed our worst fears, Noah IS as bad as the ultrasounds had made his condition out to be. His official diagnosis, Osteogenesis Imperfecta type II.
E and I have talked out our plans. We have decided to wait until E feels strong enough physically to go and see Noah. After we get to hold him and be a family for a short-time, we will have the respirator removed. We have known for quite a while that Noah's future was in God's hands. We knew if he wasn't coming home with us, he would go to his eternal home with God. We still have him for a few hours. Then God will bring him home. We are blessed to have such a wonderful group of friends and family for support. When I came into the waiting room after being asked to leave the NICU for an x-ray i found myself surrounded by a large host of family and friends. In total including myself and my dad there were 12 ministers present, 10 from the city. and too many brother's and sisters in Christ for me to recall. The day has been such a blur and it is still hard to imagine that it is reality.
Noah Red Austin came into this world at 1:35 pm March 24, 2011, a day I will never forget. A day that has changed my life forever. He weighed 4lbs 11 oz, which is bigger than he was expected to weigh. He is 13.5 inches long. He has a head full of dark hair like his momma. He has a wide nose like his dad. He is more beautiful than I ever could have imagined.
I would also like to take this opportunity to thank anyone and everyone that has said a prayer on our behalf, I am indebted to you for your love and kindness. I would like to thank any and everybody who were here at the hospital for support. The numerous cards have been a blessing. The texts, calls, messages on facebook, and all other encouragement have been greatly treasured. I do ask that you continue to keep us in your prayers. I love you all. May God bless you.

36 comments:

  1. Our prayers for peace and comfort are being offered up! May God bless both of you as well as your extended family!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't have the words to say right now. I really wish I knew what to say other than I'm sorry. I know this feeling. My husband and myself have been here before. I'm glad you get to spend time with him and love him. From the minute he entered this world and to the day he leaves he will be loved. He will always be loved. He will have the greatest parent a child could ask for, the Lord. I pray for a miracle. I pray for your family and that you and both can find strength. My God lay his healing hands on sweet Noah.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thinking of you all and baby Noah with love.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Our snowflake was born still last year. Her name was Leta Blue.

    I am praying, with all that I have for a miracle, for peace and strength.

    I have nothing that is adequate, just my love, and my thoughts.

    Praying for You, Erin, and Noah Red tonight, and always.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I've been following along with this through this blog, FB and word of mouth and have been praying for all of you. Especially for little Noah, that he didn't suffer and that he felt love, peace & comfort through this entire thing. I'll continue praying for all of you and that the peace that passes understanding will envelope you and E now, and for as long as you need it.

    Sending prayers up for you and virtual hugs to you,

    Regina

    ReplyDelete
  6. My heart is breaking for you guys. Praying that he will overcome all of these obstacles.

    ReplyDelete
  7. To your Snowflake Angel!
    Parents never expect to outlive their children,
    and surely there is no loss that is sadder
    or harder to understand. I Know Noah loves you and thanks your for being his wonderful parent even if it for just a day or two. And when its time for God to call him home. God's loving arms will embrace him. Noah will be for ever young and playing pain free.

    I Pray that those very same arms hold you close to comfort your broken heart.

    Susan K (oiparents)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Becky (Janna's cousin)March 25, 2011 at 2:44 AM

    I am so proud of you and E and the beautiful way you have used this experience to touch so many. You, Erin, your Mom & Dad and your grandparents are in my every thought and prayer. What a beautiful witness your blog is. Noah Red was a gift from God and you are absolutely showing your appreciation with everything God has given you. Thank you for not whining but for praising the Lord for your gift, albeit imperfect for This world. May God continue to bless you and give you peace! When the time comes I have no doubt your unselfishness will remain strong just as your faith remains unbroken. Noah Red welcome to this world long enough to meet the parents that God chose so carefully for you. God bless you little one! You will always be loved! A & E thank you for sharing your walk, your faith, your love and your pain. Love, hugs and kisses to all of you!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Although the prognosis is poor, I urge you and your wife to not lose faith in hope. He is still with you, and some with type II have been known to survive I've read.

    I'm praying for you, your son and your wife.

    ReplyDelete
  10. We love y'all and are keeping y'all in our prayers!!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. As a mother of a snowflake as well I feel your pain. Your family is in our prayers. May Noah have peace and meet up with all the angel with our Lord.
    Michele (OI parent)

    ReplyDelete
  12. I may not know you, But you are my Brother in Christ. I will be praying around the clock for your family and your precious Noah! God Bless you!

    Melanie Capdevila
    Mother of Xavier type 4

    ReplyDelete
  13. Your family remains in my prayers! May you continue to find peace through this journey.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I don't have any words either- what a terrible pain to endure. I hope that you both find peace. Noah will only ever know love- he's known it throughout his journey and will know it beyond this.

    I wish Erin a speedy recovery physically, so you may both begin your journey to heal emotionally.

    ReplyDelete
  15. God bless you all during this difficult time. I will pray for your peace.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Aimee/mom of troy (OI)March 25, 2011 at 7:43 AM

    I want to say first congratulation on little Noah! Second I want to say please do not give up hope yet, please remember those docs are not in charge Noah and God are. I have been an OI mom for 4yrs now and have seen it all, I think. These snowflakes are soo much stronger than the doctors ever give them credit for. Although God's plan may still be to bring Noah Home, PLEASE please do not give up on him yet! He could surprise you. There are several type II surviving OI children in our community, yes some still on a ventilator (and some not) but they are here and they are living life everyday. We are here for you no matter how things go with Noah and as your OI family we support you no matter what! Just know our snowflakes are true fighters with an unbreakable spirit! However long you have with Noah it is a true blessing! Many hug and much love to you!! ipray that you feel every arm wrapped around you right now!

    ReplyDelete
  17. May you find peace and comfort in each other and in Noah, my best wishes to you. You are in our thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I've been praying for you, and am so thankful that Noah is here. I will continue to pray for your family, for Noah, for his doctors in these coming hours and days. I am an OI mom who delivered a (non-OI) baby at 20 weeks. It's hard, but right to keep on praising Him in the valley. God is glorified in Noah's life, and in your family's response to this. Praying for that peace which passes all understanding to guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

    Jessica

    ReplyDelete
  19. Praying for all of you! Lots of love from Ontario Canada!
    Natalie

    ReplyDelete
  20. I to am at a loss for useful words other than I am keeping you all in my prayers...God ultimately has a plan for everyone..although we dont always understand...we know that it was his will....Love and hugs..and tons of prayers...from the whole Lowery family.

    ReplyDelete
  21. You both are so blessed to have family and friends around to support you. Many prayers have been sent up on your family's behalf and will continue. God has a plan and your family is in it. Know that many are hugging you now both far and near. Love Dale and Connie Bettes

    ReplyDelete
  22. Prayers for you all. I also have OI. My parents were told I would never walk, go to school, drive, live independently or marry. I've done all that including working for 20 years just as any other "normal" person despite 36 surgeries & over 100 fractures. No, I don't have Type II but don't count the little feller down until he's out. I cannot explain the drive & strength that is born into us, but it's there.
    Love Noah & each other fiercely - never let go. Remember the doctors are merely human & using science - not God's word nor his faith. Listen to what God tell's you both. You'll hear it & I know you already know what I mean. He is YOUR child & you need to make the decisions that are right for YOUR family - not what the docs think is right. They are your employees not your boss.
    <3 Angie Wallace-Skaggs (fellow OI'er)

    ReplyDelete
  23. I am so thankful that Noah knows love. I am even more thankful that God knows Noah. Time here is but just a vapor-heaven is eternal. You will never know how much Noah's life has impacted people until you get to heaven. Noah's life has made a difference. As parents you will always love him, miss him,shed many tears for him- but one day when our Jesus you shall see as well as Noah. You are covered in prayer.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Praying for you. Words fail me in any way to bring comfort to your broken hearts, but I will carry you on my knees to the one's who's comfort and strength knows no limit. I am so very sorry.

    We serve a God who does beautiful things.

    Corin Sandlin

    ReplyDelete
  25. We are so very sorry for you time of trouble. We send our light and love and lift you up in prayer contiuously so God will give you peace and strenght and understanding. Lots of Love, Liz(Patton) and Jared Bates ♥

    ReplyDelete
  26. We are from your OI family support group on FB,Im Kyra Blackburn, Mom to Claireese type 4 OI. I just wanted to say that there are so many of us praying for you guys and your family fills up our thoughts all day...We are all praying for you and passing on the the power of prayer though out the world. Please know that as many have said before, the doctors do not always know best in these situations and there are many OI babies that were told they would never survive birth here with us today...Dont give up hope for baby Noah, we pray God gives him a Mirical, and we pray for comfort for you all...You are truly blessed to have this time with him and he is blessed to have such wonderful hearted partents to share his time with..
    The Bourques (from Canada)

    ReplyDelete
  27. I do not know your family personally, but I have prayed hard and heavy for your family as I learned of you through your blog. What a miracle little Noah is for your family. What a blessing that you get to spend some time with him as a family. Praying for E and her recovery, praying for you both as you make your difficult decisions. Praying for peace within you, comfort within you and the love only a parent knows! God Bless you!!

    ReplyDelete
  28. You and your family are in my prayers. No one can prepare even the strongest person for a loss such as yours. I can only pray you get thru this and keep your fath. GOD is awesome and he will always be there for you. Blessings to you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Lots of loving thoughts and prayers are with your family.

    ReplyDelete
  30. You are all in my prayers. I am praying for a miracle and praying that Noah will be stronger than expected. Many snowflakes have required respiratory assistance at birth to later amaze doctors. I am hoping he is one of those. Regardless of the amount of time you are able to spend with him here on earth, you will be with him forever in your hearts and you will see him again someday.

    ReplyDelete
  31. SO sorry for your family, everyone on the Bump was hoping for happier news. There are many people thinking of you today. I'm sure the time that you do get to spend with Noah will be very special for your family.

    ReplyDelete
  32. We're not religious but we are thinking so hard of you. We can only imagine the depths of your pain and we hope you can continue to lean on each other and cherish each other as you take each painful step. I will always remember your gorgeous baby and know he'll always be with you. No matter waht words i think of they're can never be enough but they are meant sincerely. Julia and Chris, UK.

    ReplyDelete
  33. All of us on the special needs board at thebump are sending our love, thoughts and prayers for you all. Your story has touched so many of us.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I would like to say i am deeply sorry for your loss of baby Noah. My thoughts and prayers are with yourself and your family in this time of need. I too lost my son Steven on march 25th, 2003, he would have been 8 years old today.

    ReplyDelete
  35. We are terribly sorry for your loss, but relieved to know he is in God's hands now. Mark, Skylar, & Bennett Stamoulis(22 months type 2)

    ReplyDelete
  36. Praying for you and your family. I can only imagine how hard losing Noah must be. My heart breaks for you, but rest assured it won't be long till were all together again. Jamie loved babies I have no doubt he's already taken up with little Noah. love you guys. Karran Leird

    ReplyDelete